Cullenism
by DestinyNoel12
Summary: Random acts of Cullen craziness!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! Not one for long authors notes at the top, sooo...my authors note is at the bottom!**

**New Story**

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**Cullenism**

**Chapter 1: Ticklish Much Emmett**

**B.P.O.V.**

It was, for the most part, a peaceful day. I was laying across Edwards lap, watching Romeo and Juliet for the, like, millionth time, Alice was upstairs in her closet playing dress-up, Jasper was contentedly burning any Civil War books that had any incorrect reference to the South. Carlisle was at work, Esme was out shopping, and Rose and Emmett...well...they were upstairs doing Edward knows what! I decided to ask.

"Edward?" I said it quietly, because I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"Hmm?" He replied. He sounded really out of it.

"What are Rose and Emmett doing?" Well, there was no turning back now.

"Well, Rose is-" He never got to finish because Emmett cut him off, yelling from upstairs. "Not what you think my perverted little human sister. Not what you think!" He laughed his booming laugh.

Edward, who was still under me, stiffened. "Do NOT call her perverted! Don't!" He yelled back. It was quite scary. Emmett, being Emmett, just laughed some more. Edward stood up, causing me to fall over.

"Ugh! Don't leave." I said. I had been really comfy. Now Edward had gotten up and ruined it. He went to sit back down. "Oh forget it!" I complained unhappily. "Just go kill Emmett or whatever you were going to do!"

He frowned. "Emmett, now I'm going to get you good! Not only did you piss me off, but you made Bella unhappy as well." He said it very quietly. It scared the shit out of me when he talked quietly like that. I heard Emmett squeal from upstairs. Alice and the rest of them, except Emmett, came down as Edward was going up saying "Ready or not Emmett, hear I come!" I started giggling. I couldn't help it.

Alice said, "Bella, if you thought that was funny then wait till you see more!" The tree of them sat down. Rose sat next to me, Jasper sat on the ground, and Alice sat on his lap. I knew Alice had, had a vision. All of a sudden, I heard Emmett squeal again, and heard Edward growl. It was a very impressive growl, might I add. Then, I heard Emmett say, "Rosie! Help! Eddie boy's after meeeeee!"

"You're on your own boy." She laughed as she said it.

Then I saw one flash of red and white(Emmett) coming down the stairs, and a flash of black and white(Edward). Edward leaped at Emmett and, landing on his back tackled him to the ground, face first. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING could have prepared me for what I saw next. Edward rolled Emmett onto his back and begun...tickling him! And the whole time, Emmett was squealing and trying to get away! It was HILARIOUS! I've never seen anything funnier in my life! Alice, Jasper, and Rose were all rolling on the floor laughing their friggen asses off! I even ended up falling off the couch, tears streaming down my face, not able to breath! At some point Edward stoped tickling Emmett and we all just sat there trying to catch out breath. My sides hurt like hell and I couldn't seem to get enough oxygen in me.

The room satrted spinning around me, and everything went black.

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**Okay, so. I'm not sure if I like the way that this chapter came out, but I have idea's for this story, so, I'm going to keep writing it and see if I start liking the way it turns out. So, as always, please read and review. **

**In You Can Tell Us Anything, Renesmee, related news, the next chapter is going to be short, but I'm almost done writing it. Then I just have to type it and post it! But, that should be done really soon! So, yeah! Press the little button** **down there and leave me a review!**

**3 ~NESSIE~** :F


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHORS NOTE AT THE BOTTOM GUYS!(:**

Chapter 2: Those Two Words

BPOV

I woke up to hear Edward repeatedly saying my name. I opened my eyes and looked straight into the molten gold that were his. I heard Alice's smug voice saying

"I TOLD you she'd be okay." I looked over at her then back at Edward.

"Whatever" he said, then looked back at me. "Are you okay?" he asked, concern layering his features.

"I'm fine" I said sitting up. "My sides just hurt from laughing so much and I'm just a little fuzzy." Hey, it was the truth.

"Is there anything I can get for you to help you feel better faster?" Edward asked, trying his best to do something helpful. When I told him no, he settled for helping me off the floor and onto the couch.

"I do have a question for you though."

"Go on..." he said.

"What in the world possessed you to tickle Emmett?"

"Well, I was going to settle for just chasing him and making him squeal like a little girl, but then Alice had a vision that I might tickle him...and it looked fun. So, I decided to go with that." he explained. "Now, I have a question.." he said with a devilish grin on his face. I looked at him and he just smiled down at me. "Emmett! Get down here!" I looked at him questioningly and he just smiled down at me once more as Emmett walked downstairs. He grinned and his huge bear of a frame sank down on the couch next to me.

"So, why were you on the computer upstairs Em?" Edward asked slowly. Frankly I was scared to where this was going, so I decided to voice my fears.

"Emmett, if you were using it to find stuff to fap to, please just go back upstairs...and just take Rose with you this time." He laughed, not the giggle he had used earlier, but his booming bear of a laugh.

"Not at all Belly dear. I don't need a computer for that, I have everything I need for that right here," he said this as he enveloped Rose in his arms. He clapped his hands together, "Noo, you're going to love this." He rubbed his hands together. "We are going to New Jersey!"

"NEW JERSEY? WHY?" Alice shrieked. "I DO NOT LIKE THE STORE PEOPLE IN NEW JERSEY! THEY DECLINED MY CREDIT CARDS!"

"Must I remind you, that was five years ago? I highly doubt they'll remember you." Rosalie laughed. Alice sat back down but continued to mutter angrily to herself. I glanced over at Emmett.

"Well...at least we're flying." Emmett started to laugh. "We...we are flying...right?" I waited for someone to confirm that we were, in fact, flying, but my confirmation never came. And then Emmett said the two words I had been dreading most.

"ROAD TRIP!"

My mouth dropped and I slowly stood up. I had no idea what to say, but there was no way in hell I was letting myself get dragged into this.

"Well, this sounds like its going to be a family affair. Have fun you crazypants'." I then attempted to dart to the door quickly, but I guess I didn't learn anything from my encounter with James. My quick probably looked like slow motion to them. I felt a cool arm grasp my arm and then wrap around my waist. I looked up into Edwards questioning eyes.

"Oh love, you are family, you're obviously included in these plans." Edward told me, love radiating from his voice.

"Okay, I love that I'm family, but there is no way that I am spending a week, in a cramped car, on the road, with Emmett." I moaned trying to tug away from his grasp.

"You're not going to be the only one trapped with him." Edward reminded me. "Plus baby, we will probably take two cars, so none of us will be cramped with Emmett for too long." I was about to find an argument, but the a suitcase slammed on the ground next to me, causing me to yelp and jump in surprise. Yelp, because that fucking suitcase landed WAY too close to my foot.

"Get packing sis, we leave on Wednesday" said Emmett before he ran, and I mean RAN upstairs. I could hear drawers slamming as he through stuff in his bag. Today was Thursday, we had time, but okay. At least we'd be on summer vacation.

"Bella, are you hungry?" Jasper asked suddenly. I just nodded.

"How does a burger sound to you?"

"Yummy!" I told him, a burger actually sounded wonderful. Jasper turned and walked into the kitchen. I helped him prepare the burger for the oven. I was going to cook it myself, but Jasper insisted on doing it himself. I agreed to let him. Oh god, Jasper and an oven, what was I getting myself into.

**HEY GUYS! **

**I know, I know. You all now hate me since it's been like, what two years since I updated ANY of my stories? Yeah, I'm really sorry about that….I really have nothing to say. I honestly am updating now though, as you can see. And I'm currently beta-ing for a story. I'm getting off my lazy ass guys,**_** really**_**, I am. **

**I found all my old notebooks. See the thing was. I was just really uninspired to write. For a long time. A **_**LONG**_** long time. So, I really am so sorry. Here's a little update. **

**Last year I went through my freshman year, without the help of my best friend, because she moved across country. Yeah, that kinda sucked. Then I was so busy being a dumbass freshmen and then trying to catch up on all this stuff I didn't do while I was being a dumbass freshmen that I didn't have time to write. I was being led around by some guy in my grade and basically being used by him(Lets call him asshole). Enter me realizing this and being completely heart broken here. Enter my friend starting to date this guy that I ended up liking and becoming amazing friends with here(Lets call him Awesomepants). Enter them breaking up. Sophomore year rolls around. Another year older. Enter me dating said guy above, Mr. Awesomepants, and getting in a fight with my friend over it. We're okay now. Enter me giving him everything and falling completely in love with him over the past 6 months here. Enter me being asked to beta a story sometime in here…not exactly sure when, but sometime in these past 6 months. Enter me realizing that I'm almost a Junior (idk how this is relevant but it can be fit in so whatever), and deciding writing would be a good pass time, especially over the summer here. Enter Mr. Awesomepants hanging out with me and my family last Saturday, him not feeling well Sunday, him taking a nap Sunday and basically not talking to me all week. Now enter him basically dumping me without reason on Wednesday night, saying that we fight all the time and thats not the kind of relationship he wants(when that was the only night in 6 months we'd ever fought)here. Yeah, not so awesomepants anymore is it. Goodnewsis: I'm motivated to write again. I'm beta-ing an awesome story AND I'm figuring my shit out with Mr. ''manidiot (long name right?) on thursday night. YEAH. **

**So, I do in fact know that this was a very long authors note, but I feel it was my duty to explain my dumb reasons I haven't written in 5000000000000000 years. So there it is. If you guys read all of that cool. If not, **

***********HERES ALL YOU REALLY NEED TO READ!***************

**If you have stuck with me and got this notification in your email and did not blow it off, thank you. I will be updating more now, I promise. I don't know when my other stuff with be updated, but this will be updated soon, as I have at least two more chapters already written for it. I'm aiming for updating one of my stories once a week now. **

**I give you LOADS of hugs if you don't hate me, and LOADS of apologies for being absent for so long. One thing I need you guys to do for me. **

_**GO CHECK OUT THE STORY I'M BETA-ING!**_

**GO DO IT NOW(: PLEASEEE. **

**Its called: **

**When We Stand Together by LandOfTheLivingSkys Direct link right down there, obviously change (dot) to .**

http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/7832335/1/When_We_Stand_Together

**She's a really good writer you guys, check her out, you won't regret ittt!(: **

**And, I got some PM's about this. For those of you who have a tumblr and want to check me out my tumblr is **

www(dot)suicidal-at-best(dot)tumblr(dot)com

**Thanks guys(: thanks for having patience and thank you for reading and reviewing and story alerting. I love you all. **

**I'll talk to you soon(: **

**~Ashlyn~**


	3. Chapter 3

**So quickly up here I just want to say, I do not own anything, and I know I forgot to mention that in my last update. So yeah, I OWN NOTHING except the concert, the characters and names all go to Stephanie Meyers. **

**Chapter 3: FIRE!**

**BPOV**

"Bella, let me cook for you! Relax!" Jasper insisted. All of the sudden I felt _very _relaxed_. 'Jasper says relax' _I thought as i went and sat down on the couch and curled up next to Edward. Wow since he relaxed me I definitely felt like I could take a nap. "What do you want to drink with it?" Jasper asked me, walking into the room.

"Just some water please."

"Okay" he said as he turned and walked out of the room.

**JPOV**

I walked out to where Bella was sitting next to Edward, starting to doze off. I wondered whether or not I should just let her sleep until her burger was done and then ask about drinks. Nah, sleeping? While I was cooking for her? NOT going to happen! "What do you want to drink with it?" I asked.

"Just some water please" she replied. I wonder if she realized how drowsy she sounded.

"Okay" I replied and turned and walked out of the room to go finish her food and get her water. I took the burger out of the oven because it was brown on the top and needed to be flipped. After I had flipped it I put it back on the tin foil and placed it back in the oven so the other half of it could cook. I turned to get Bella her glass of water and as I did I heard a small _'pop'. _I spun back around as quickly as possible.

"Damnit!" I muttered. What the hell was wrong with human food? It was so hard to cook. Animals were so much easier to deal with when they were still alive. I heard Edward tell Bella to stay where she was sitting, that he was juts going to come check on me. "_Get your ass in here" _I thought, knowing Edward would hear me.

"Coming. Open the door" he hissed as he ran in.

"Are you crazy? We'll both end up as ashes!"

"No, we won't…I don't think…" Geez. Where was Alice when you needed her to see stuff. "Right?" Edward replied to my thought out loud. "Now just open the damn door."

"Fine!" I opened it and Edward and I both let out high pitched squeals as we jumped back to avoid the flames that had surged higher when the door was open before sizzling out. We rushed to put out the towel that had caught the flame before it died, then looked at each other, trying to determine whether or not Bella had heard us. Sure enough we heard her come walking towards the kitchen.

"What just hap-" She caught sight of the towel as Edward tried to hide it behind his back and burst out laughing.

"I think she figured it out.." I said to Edward as we watched her roll around on the floor laughing at our failure.

"Please don't pass out again now love" Edward said to her, trying to calm her down.

"It-it" she couldn't even get out a full sentence. When she finally stopped laughing enough to stand up again, and talk she choked out. "It got your hair!" Which started a whole new round of hysteria from both her and I as Edward ran towards the nearest mirror to see if it truly did singe some of his hair. We heard him growl, which cut out Bella's laughter, but made mine even stronger. This was the best burger cooking experience ever!

**BPOV**

"It got your hair!" I managed to tell Edward. This time Jasper joined in my laughter when Edward ran to the mirror to see if the fire did actually get his precious hair, or if I was messing with him. I think Jasper was now laughing a little harder than me. Then Edward growled where he was standing which cut my laughter immediately but seemed to fuel Jaspers even more. I ran over to him.

"Don't worry about it. We can fix it, it's not a big deal." Then he turned to me and I swear, if vampires could cry, he'd be crying right now. He looked so heartbroken as he wailed, 'MY HAIRRRRRRR', over and over. He actually laid down in fetal position on the floor. "Edward, look at me. Everything is going to be alright. It will grow back okay?" He sniffled and looked up at me.

"Really? You still love me even though I look like…this..?" He made a hand gesture. What the hell? He still looked like sex on legs.

"Of course I still love you. I'll always love you." That seemed to cheer him up.

"I love you too baby!" He leaned down and kissed me. "Now, do you want that burger, or do you want something else?"

"No, it's fine. I've actually done that myself. T=It will still taste just the same." We walked into the kitchen to find Jasper with his head in his hands. The sadness radiating around the room was enough to knock you over.

"I always mess everything up!" Jasper cried. "First I tried to eat you on your birthday! And now I blew up your burger! I'm HORRIBLE!" What was with the vampire tear fest today?

"Jasper, don't worry about it. You didn't ruin it. It's still perfectly fine to eat. You'll be okay. I promise."

"Re-really?" He asked.

"Yes" I replied and tried to make my sincerity and gratitude expand out to him. The room lightened instantly.

"Thanks Bells! Here's your water, I got that right at least" he joked, sticking his tongue out.

"Thank you sir" I said smiling. I sat down to my burger while Edward and Jasper whispered behind me.

It was by far the best burger ever.

**So, thanks for reading guys(: The inspiration for this chapter came from one day when I actually set my burger on fire while it was in the over lol. More to come shortly(: **

**Review and I might update two more times this week, or give a preview(:**

**Love always**

**~Me me me~:p**


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